Sir - My brother Steve says egregious has become the buzzword of our surreal times after Emily Maitlis uttered it on Newsnight.
I’m sure we’re all grateful that Caitlin intends to ignore the advice of The Science to pop her knickers in the microwave to support her vagina’s ‘delicate microbial ecosystem.’
Sir - The always readable Times columnist Caitlin Moran has been discussing Winter Vagina, apparently a condition in women emanating from ‘dry, cold air causing their genitals to enter drought mode.’ Sir - Please use this letter as it’s my turn to see my name in print. Sir - Did you know your QWERTY keyboard is missing a U? That’s the only explanation I can think of for the reference to a ‘hands on c*nt’ in your fascinating story of the resurrection of Paul (Lazarus) Dacre. There behind the glass partition, an earnest, slightly dishevelled, shirt-sleeved young reporter would often be on duty, making the midnight phone calls, double-checking the splash, providing the Late Sub with a 4am fudge, and no doubt dreaming the Fleet Street dream. Sir - Expressmen of a certain vintage will remember the Night News Desk cubbyhole in the old Lubyanka, presided over by cheerful pipe-smoking Ben Vos. I’d like to think I taught him all he knows but it is unlikely. When I subbed the Hickey Page in Great Ancoats Street in the early Seventies a student at the University of Leeds used to pop over the Pennines to contribute the odd Aside Line. McNeill’s reminiscences about the reborn Editor-in-Chief of the Western World? Sir - R.Watkins’s letter about how Fleet Street legend Paul Dacre was guided, mentored, nurtured and shaped in the Seventies when he was learning his craft just shows that, with the right encouragement, a trainee can graduate to enjoy a wonderful career. I expect you’ll be smacking your thighs very soon, Dan. Sir - I’ve just read (in the Mail, of course) my first panto cliché Oh No He Won’t headline of the season. Sir - As we are approaching the Christmas season, is it possible to put snow on top of Daily Drone like they did on the Beano? I would now particularly welcome being alerted in advance to Flashing Images. Sir - Many thanks to Aunt Marje for emphasising the need for Trigger Warnings about content in the Daily Drone. Oliver actually refers affectionately to the size of Frame Hampton, the tiny village in which he and Teddy live - Ed. His repeated derogatory comments about the size of Frame’s hampton are both distasteful and unnecessary. I’m thinking particularly of your Country Boys correspondent, Oliver. Sir - Following cousin Binky’s letter, I should also like to thank Aunt Marje for her timely reference to Trigger Warnings about dubious content in the Drone. Not many people know this, and even fewer ask. S ir - May I add to your peerless collection of newspaper headlines with this zinger from The Friend, Bloemfontein, circa 1958, about the legendary English explorer?īy the way, when Sir Vivian died in 1999, he was buried in Bergen-Belsen concentration camp, Germany. I thanked him for his service, as you do…’ climate envoy and former Secretary of State, sitting in front of me at the theatre. Perhaps you could launch it with this from Baz Bamigboye in the Mail:
Sir - I suggest you introduce a regular feature called, say, Pseuds’ Corner highlighting up-your-bum pronouncements by, er, pseuds. S ir - Do your Trigger warnings apply to old Roy Rogers movies starring his famous horse? Just askin’.